{B.A.D.} Lands ~ View topic - Dr. Mrs Louisa Pimentel Estrada (yea right!!)

Well, since it doesn't really exist. I would have to say yes I am!

well, it took her about 3 days, but she finally got back to me with the information I knew she would. And what do you know? Her new friend that will be picking up the funds in now in Germany!

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

I am very sorry that i have not be able to reach you since all these while.I have been on the sick bed for some days now SUUURE YOU ARE!.Please kindly forgive me if i have done something wrong.The only thing you did wrong was try to steal from me!.
Please find below is the name and the address of my agent in germany who will receive the funds on my behalf.

NAME : ANDREA BECK

ADDRESS: GITSCHINER STR, 28 47053 DUISBURG GERMANY

Please kindly deliver that which belongs to meOh, honey you will get what's coming to you I PROMISE! via the above given name and address and send the air waybill /tracking number once you effect the dispatch to me.

Have a very nice weekend.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

So now Apu has to respond with some more fun and "hoops" for the idiot to jump through. Oh, it's been over a month now and she STILL hasn't been paid!! Gooooo ME!!

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

In order to deliver what is yours, we needed an address to deliver to and you have provided that to us. That is appreciated, if you did read fully the previous email where the instructions were laid out to you, I do believe it was very clear that your agent would also have to provide a form of identification to us as well. Failure to comply with policies will only delay your criminal compensation even further. I am sure this is a simple task to have your agent email a scan copy of their international passport or some other Govt. issued identification.

Once we have received this information from your agent the funds will be immediately dispatched to the address listed by bonded courier. The address is: Name: Andre Beck. Address Gitschiner Str, 28 47053 Duisberg Germany, Correct? Again the amount that you are requesting be disbursed to you is: $48,400.00 US correct? Would you like that in any specific denomination or will 20's be ok? I am sure you will appreciate the need we have for security and safety when we are dealing with a persons hard earned criminal compensation. It is all in your best interests that we have such policies in place.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to voice them, and I am sure they will be addressed in the timely manner which you deserve.

I am looking forward to concluding this case of criminal compensation A.S.A.P. You will be getting exactly what you deserve.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

Well I should say more fun for me, and less for her.

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Thanks for your mail and i wish to notify you that you are correct with all the information.
Based on your question,i would like to have the funds in 100 denomination.of course you would honey, and non-sequential as well right?.Please kindly effect the dispatch and send me the air way bill/tracking number of the consignment once you effect the dispatch..Got bad news hon, there will be no airway bill as it will be coming "bonded courier"
Attached here is the scan copy of the international passport of my agent for your perusal..And OBVIOUSLY fake as well..
Looking foward to receiving the air way bill/tracking number of the consignment soonest.

Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

.and now for the fake passport....

so I don't answer her, since I don't really feel a need to and besides it's more fun this way...

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Good Morning.I belive i have met up with your demands.Please tell me, when are you going to effect the dispatch?Kindly let me know.

Finally, do not forget to send me the air way bill/tracking number of the consignment once the dispatch is effected.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

Let's see how long she will go without me answering her...

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Please i want to know when funds will be dispatched.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

looks like she is getting a bit impatient..

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Please kindly let me know what is going on.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So, now I suppose I should answer her

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

I am in receipt of the identification provided. We are now in the process of packaging the funds in the denomination you have requested. Your funds will be delivered to Ms. Andrea Beck Address Gitschiner Str, 28 47053 Duisberg Germany. It will be delivered to her via bonded courier sent directly from Springfield OH. There is no airway bill as the courier given the nature of the delivery will be flying incognito.

Ms. Beck will of course have to provide her identification to the courier when he/she arrives to deliver the funds to her. The courier will be flying into Berlin within 72 hours, if you would like to send directions to Ms. Beck's address that would be helpful as well. We do want to conclude this business and give you exactly what you have coming to you.

Thank you for your compliance and honesty in regards to this situation. I am sure that once this transaction is concluded I will never have to deal with you again.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

hmm I wonder what will happen next?

So I waited a couple days and boy did she get imaptient

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Thanks for your mail. i a m very much happy hearing that you are now in the process of packaging the funds in the denomination i have requested.

Please i want to ask you of one favour,when is Ms. Andrea Beck is expecting to receive the package on thursday or on friday? since it is 72hrs.

look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Well I don't think I will answer her yet

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194
Sir,
I write to inform you that there was a mistake in the address.The correct address is: GITSCHINER STR, 28 47053 DUISBURG GERMANY and not DUISBERG (wrong spelling)
Please when is the person arriving Germany.mind you that Berlin is not their International Airport.

Finally, how does this bonded courier operates without air way bill? I have never had of this system since i was born. Any way let me see and belive.
look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Is she eager to get her cash or what??

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Please i want know why the courier would be flying into Berlin from American which is their local AirPort. I want you to know that the nearest Airport to Duisburg is DUSSELDORF AIRPORT and is an International Airport direct from U.S.A. I also want to let you know based on the information given to me my agent that Berlin is too far, because from BERLIN TO DUISBURG is about 650 KM and from Dusseldorf to Duisburg is about 25 KM.

Please kindly give me the name of the person, his/her telephone number so that i can forward it to my agent immediately.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

hehe, now she must be getting nervous, she is worried about how far the courier will have to drive to get the funds to her..Still no answer from me

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

Please, what is the Situation of thing over there?

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Well, I suppose I should answer her now. I think I will throw a "monkey wrench" into her plans, what do you think?

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

We are very aware that Dusseldorf Airport is an International Airport direct from America. The reason that our courier is flying into Berlin is that he/she is coming to Germany via the UK and then Amsterdam as they have other deliveries/duties as well as yours.

It seems odd that you would worry about how far the courier has to drive to deliver to your designated "Criminal Compensation Agent", as the courier was instructed to deliver directly to your agent.

There has been a change in the delivery schedule that I must inform you of as well. Due to the recent changes to security procedures throughout the world after the recent terrorist activity, and also due to the large amount of currency that is being delivered to your agent we have had to use a US Diplomatic courier to effect the transport of the funds to your agent. Because of this change in security measures, the agent will not be personally delivering the currency to your agent. Your agent will have to collect the currency from the US Mission in Dusseldorf. I have been informed that the funds will be at the US Mission awaiting your agents retrieval no later than Monday morning.

Your agent will need the following information and documents in order to retrieve the delivery.

NAME: Ms. Andrea Beck

HER INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT: For ID verification

THE CASE NUMBER: 06098419004194

A Letter from you stating that she is your agent and is able to collect the Criminal Compensation due you. I have included what the letter for you as well:

_______________________________________________________________

Attn: U.S. Consul General George Knowles

My name is Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada,

I am authorizing Ms. Andrea Beck of Gitschiner Str, 28 47053 Duisberg Germany to collect my Criminal Compensation, that I have most honestly earned and with all honesty and integrity believe that I deserve. I have through my efforts with the Church of the Assimilated Virgin been able to have them disburse to me a sum of $48,400 US Dollars.

The case number is: 06098419004194. I would like to receive exactly what is coming to me via my agent Ms. Andrea Beck. Ms. Beck also is here with all necessary identification to prove her identity and to prove that she is duly able to be Criminally Compensated on my behalf. I have been less than dishonest in all of my transactions with The Church of the Assimilated Virgin as well as the head investigator of the Criminal Compensation Division of the Springfield Police Department, Mr. Apu Nahasapimapetilan and his superior Chief Charlie Wiggum.

Please compensate myself and my agent as we deserve.

Thank you,

SIGN YOUR NAME HERE

Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada

_____________________________________________________________________

I am glad we were able to assist you in getting your Criminal Compensation, and I am sure that you are happy that our business has been concluded. If there are any questions or problems you may have, please let me know.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

Gee I wonder what she will say now? I mean the money is in Germany right?

more hilarity to follow I am sure

So she goes whining to Tits, and of course I ignore her for a minute

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)

How areyou today? Why are you keeping me quite?Sir, don't you think that youare supposed to be directing me on what to do as a new member? You leftme all alone. I have done everything i was asked to do and still yeti don't know when the funds will be delivered to my agent. I lookforward to your urgent reply. Thank you and God bless usall. Warmest Regards Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.

you know her crap would be easier to understand if she could type and format a damn email better than this! but like a good elder I respond

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee

To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada

Sister Estrada,

I was not aware that you needed guidance. I and the elders here at The Church of the Assimilated Virgin assumed that once this was resolved for you, you would contact us for direction and we would go from there. I do recall asking you when you would like the missionaries to arrive in your area to begin the building of the "Great Phallus".

I understand that your vage is wet and waiting for the Church to give you all the direction you need in your life. If you remember from your membership agreement, have you been offering your corn hole to all men in need of one?

Have you been worshipping the Great Phallus daily? On your knees in penetance and servitude to the Great Phallus and its spray of glory from the hole in which it is placed?

Have you sung the praises to everyone you meet of the great glory hole?

Are you spreading the cheeks of those that have not heard the word of the Great Phallus and inserted the truth into their lives?

If you are doing these things, you are already doing everything that we ask of our members. If you are not, then you have now received your direction from me at this time. You are going to be a great member of our faith, I am sure you will spread the cheeks of many a new member and will offer your corn hole to all men in need of a warm corn hole.

As to the funds you asked about, Chief Wiggum has informed me that the money has been taken by courier as his head auditor informed you. It is simply a matter of your agent collecting the funds on Monday.

May the Great Phallus protect you and keep you wet.

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

Now, back to Apu and the conversation going on that end

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194
Since you have decided not to talk to me, well there is no problem.

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

Not sure what she means here, but then again it's not like english is her strong suit as you have already seen.

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

Not sure what you mean. I have sent you the necessary information to complete this case.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

I also send ANOTHER copy of the email with the letter for the Consul General in Dusseldorf. I can't wait for the hilarity to ensue

She doesn't even flinch at "picking up the funds"

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.
Thanks for your mail and i wish to notify you that i am very much happy.Once again thank you very much.

Please kindly me the address of the US mission and the name of the person my agent is going to meet on monday.

Finally, this US Mission,is that a church?

I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs Luisa Pimentel Estrada

So, of course I oblige her and send the info right?

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

The address is: Willi - Becker - Allee 10 40227 DÃ¼sseldorf. The person you will need to speak with is: U.S. Consul General George Knowles.

You will need to bring the signed copy of the letter I sent to you in order for them to verify that your agent is the person to pick up your funds. As well as her International passport and other documents as directed.

I am sure that the people at the US Mission will be very happy to see your agent and to give her exactly what is coming to her and yourself.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

Then as myself, I send another email to someone who should know what is happening, namely the US Embassy.

Hello,

My name is [censored], I am a US citizen living in [censored location].

I am not sure who to contact about this, but I have been receiving email from a person posing as Dr. Louisa Pimentel Estrada of the Philippines. She has asked me to send her $48,400 to rescue monies that have been held â€œhostageâ€ in Germany. I know that this is a scam, and have sent her to the Embassy in DÃ¼sseldorf to collect the funds. If you would like since she is committing a major crime here, for me to send you copies of all the email transactions with her, I would be happy to do so. I would venture a guess that I am not the first person she has contacted regarding this scam. I think this would be a perfect opportunity for the US to capture and prosecute one of these scammers. I have sent a letter to her that she will be bringing to the Embassy demanding the funds; essentially it is a confession of her crime as well.

Please let me know if this is possible. You can also contact me by telephone at 999-999-9999 as well.

Thanks,

[censored]

[censored email address]

Gee whiz I hope she is gonna be ok

Out the gate she starts whining to Tits Mcghee

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder) Sir, Please i write to notify and the whole that i withdrew my familyand i amd other souls i have won from been menbers of the church.Youpeople have been unfair to us.Please sir, Springfield Police Department,Mr. Apu Nahasapimapetilan and his superior Chief Charlie Wiggum wantedto set my agent up. Please help me tell them that i am no longerinterested in that funds.They should go hell with funds. Why mustthey suddenly charge the arrangment?.They want my agent to go AmericanEmbassy in Germany for the collection of funds,why?I want you to studythe letter they sent to me.Below is the letter and iw ant you to tell mewhere I have been less than dishonest in all of my transactions withThe Church of the Assimilated Virgin as well as the head investigator ofthe Criminal Compensation Division of the Springfield Police Department,Mr. Apu Nahasapimapetilan and his superior Chief Charlie Wiggum. ..................................................
My name is Dr.Mrs. Louisa Pimentel Estrada,
I am authorizing Ms. Andrea Beck ofGitschiner Str, 28 47053 Duisberg Germany to collect my CriminalCompensation, that I have most honestly earned and with all honesty andintegrity believe that I deserve. I have through my efforts with theChurch of the Assimilated Virgin been able to have them disburse to me asum of $48,400 US Dollars. The case number is: 06098419004194. Iwould like to receive exactly what is coming to me via my agent Ms.Andrea Beck. Ms. Beck also is here with all necessary identification toprove her identity and to prove that she is duly able to be CriminallyCompensated on my behalf. I have been less than dishonest in all of mytransactions with The Church of the Assimilated Virgin as well as thehead investigator of the Criminal Compensation Division of theSpringfield Police Department, Mr. Apu Nahasapimapetilan and hissuperior Chief Charlie Wiggum.
.................................................
Please let themgo to hell with their funds.My agent will not go any where(AmericanEmbassy). I look forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and Godbless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada

A set up? Me??? I don't think so, so Tits responds..

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee

To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada

Sister Estrada,

Why do you attack the Church? We have been nothing if not kind and understanding with all of your trials, tribulations and complications that you have thrown our way. Now, you want to leave the Church, because the Springfield Police Department wants to deliver to you what is yours?

I can see nothing wrong with the letter they sent to you. You have always been honest and forthcoming with the church. So, yes I would say that you have been less than dishonest, you have been HONEST!

I am not sure what you mean by "Set Up", I was informed that it is simply Federal Law and policy within the Police Department that when they are transferring such large sums that the funds be delivered to the US Embassy in what ever country the funds are going to.

How and for that matter why would the Police want to set you up? What would they have to gain? Have you committed some crime? That would be the only reason why you would see that as something other than standard procedure. If you have been dishonest with us, then we accept your withdrawl from our church and hope that your sloppy diseased gash rots off your stinking crotch and kills all that enter it!

Officially you will be banned from the Church of the Assimilated Virgin and never be allowed the sacraments of heaven or for that matter a decent orgasm for the rest of your unnatural, uneducated, loserific existence you diseased babylonian whore!

May the Great Phallus Urinate on your diseased soul!

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

Now to Apu and what she whines to him about...

Attn: The Head Auditor Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Sir,
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:CASE NUMBER IS 06098419004194.

I am sorry to announce to you that my Agent will not go to American Embassy for the collection of the funds sorry.

Please take the funds we are no longer interested again.IT IS A SET UP FROM YOU SAYS BY MY LAWYER.

Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

Her Lawyer? If she were legit, she would NEVER question where or why the money was where it was..

Mrs. Estrada,

Ref: 06098419004194

It is my understanding that you are now refusing to collect what is coming to you? It seems strange that you would be worried about a "set up" when in your own words, you have been honest with myself and the SPDCCD in every conversation.

Since you are refusing to collect what is coming to you, you may consider this transaction void and we will no longer do business on this matter with you.

As of 6:26am CST this transaction/case is now closed. All parties have been satisfied and no further action will be taken in this matter.

Thank you,

Apu Nahasapimapetilan
Head Auditor (Criminal Compensation Department)

this little saga may be over, but we will see what happens....

So, she ran whining back to Tits Mcghee

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)

Sir,

Thanks for yourmail and I wish to notify you are like that of a Shepard and as aShepard you are supposed to guide your sheep even when they are goingastray. The mal words you are using on me, do you think you aresupposed to sue it on your on me as a member been a Shepard you are.Why? I was not happy when I was told that it was set up and I nowbelieve that those police are spies. Please let forget about that andmove forward. If I said I was going to pull out from the church andwithdraw my membership card back was statement made out annoyance

Ilook forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless usall.

Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada

JEEZUS!! I really wish she would learn how to spell and write! Just reading the bullshit she is spewing is giving me a headache!

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee

To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada

Sister Estrada,

I understand that you feel that you were "set up" by "spies" and such. What would make you think that they were "spies"? They are both good upstanding members of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin and have dealt with you honestly and truthfully at every turn. I have personally spoken with them regarding your concerns, and they both assure me as members of the Church that they are NOT spies nor are they interested in "setting you up".

I have been informed that they are not able to re-open your claim/case as once you decided to close the case that permanently bars them from re-opening it in the future.

As to your emotional outburst earlier, that can be forgiven by myself and the Church. I am sure if you sent an apology to the Church and it's members that would be sufficient for us to satisfy what is necessary to maintain your membership in the church. I would suggest in the letter that you make great mention of your willingness to open your corn hole to all the needy phalli of the world. It would be prudent for you as well to sign all your future correspondence with an appropriate signature line such as "Open Corn Hole of Love".

I do believe that if you do those things, you will have gone a long way towards bringing yourself back into good graces with the Church and it's membership. I do need to ask you these following questions, and you must answer them truthfully.

1. Have you knelt and worshipped the Great Phallus?

2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men of Consience and Inmates?

3. Do you honor the Phallus by penetrating the Corn Holes of others?

4. Will you swallow the offering of the Great Phallus?

5. Are you willing to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and the meanderings of the wet and waiting vage?

6. Have you maintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles?

7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them with all your heart?

8. Has your taint been cleansed by the great tongue of love?

I expect an answer to all of these questions as it is very important to your development in the Church. The more you learn and grow with the Church, the more will be asked of you. The rewards of which are immesurable both in material things such as money and physical things but in spiritual things as well.

It the Great Book it states: Book of Testicles 3:69. : "For it is the responsibility of all men and women, to worship and be blessed with the offerings of The Great Phallus. Yea, all must worship and not be whores unto the babylon of lies and deceit."

Also, in Fellations 32:77.: "Suck the great rod into your mouth and accept the offerings of The Great Phallus. Your vage shall remain open and your Corn Hole an oasis to all who request it of ye. Yea, even fellate those that ask, it is a great duty to fellate all."

I think it would be a good idea for you to also get a copy of our holy scriptures. If you cannot find a copy we can send you one as well. The title of the Great Book is: The Testimonial Testicles of The Great Phallus. Get it, read it, and live it.

Please answer the questions I have posed to you and get back to me when you have.

May the Great Phallus keep you wet,

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

Gee I wonder if she will answer my questions and get herself a copy of the book?.......More to come spidey fans!

so she finally gets back to me with another sob story...

mrslestradaa2007@sify.com wrote:

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)

Sir,

Thanks for yourmail and I wish to notify you and the whole church that i am confusedand belive me that i don't know what i am doing now by seeing mychildren crying every day and night of what to eat. Please tell thewhole church to kindly help my family.please they should not look uponwhat i have caused the whole chrch.
please please sir.

Ilookforward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless us all.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrad

Notice, she can't even spell her own name!so of course I respond to her and make things even worse for the stupid idiot!

From: H.P.E. Tits Mcghee

To: Dr.Mrs. Louis Pimentel Esstrada

Sister
Estrada,

It saddens me to hear that your children are starving in your presidential palace in the Phillippines. As I have previously told you the Church would be more than happy to assist you, but we need to be sure of your conviction and belief in The Assimilated Virgin. That is why I asked you the questions that I did. I am putting them in this email as well, so that you may answer the questions either in an email or you are free to call the Church by phone and either tell me personally or leave your answers on our answering service. Again, the questions were:

1. Have you knelt and worshipped the Great Phallus?

2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men of Consience and Inmates?

3. Do you honor the Phallus by penetrating the Corn Holes of others?

4. Will you swallow the offering of the Great Phallus?

5. Are you willing to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and the meanderings of the wet and waiting vage?

6. Have you maintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles?

7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them with all your heart?

8. Has your taint been cleansed by the great tongue of love?

I am sure you have our telephone number correct? If not, it is (206)666-4930. You are welcome to call us anytime for help or assistance. Please do not be alarmed if you get the answering service, as the message still has Rev. Balls' voice on it. We are keeping it there out of remembrance for a great and loving man. He had great and heavy testicles and was an excellent fellatrix as well.

We here at the Church of the Assimilated Virgin await you with open corn holes and sopping vage's. Come to us on your knees in a postition of forgiveness and all will be forgiven of you.

Fellatians 6:23 "For the virgin so loved the world that she gave her self wholly and not in part to all that requested of her. Blessed are the fellatrices as they shall conquer the phallus before all others."

May the Great Phallus keep you wet,

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

Hopefully, I will have some audio clips for your enjoyment soon

It has been a while, but here is more updated goodness for you!

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
Thanks foryour mail and i wish to notify you and the whole church to help us.Iwill answers the questions in an email.
Below are the answers to yourquestions.
1. Have you knelt and worshipped the GreatPhallus?YES.

2. Do you offer your Corn Hole to all Sailors, Men ofConsience and Inmates? YES I WILL DO.

3. Do you honor the Phallus bypenetrating the Corn Holes of others? YES I WILL DO.

4. Will youswallow the offering of the Great Phallus? NO I WILL NOT
5. Are youwilling to submit to the teachings of the Great Phallus and themeanderings of the wet and waiting vage?YES I WILL

6. Have youmaintained a vigilant watch for the Testimonial Testicles? YES IHAVE.
7. Will you cup the Testimonial Testicles and caress them withall your heart? YES I WILL.

8. Has your taint been cleansed by thegreat tongue of love?NO
Please sir, i will be very greatful if thewhole church will come to our help.I would have love to call you but forsecurity reason i will not be able because my lines are right nowconnected to the Philippines Telecommunication Network services.

Ilook forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and God bless usall.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs. Luisa Pimentel Estrada.

So of course after her answers to my questions, I get back to her again

From:Tits Mcghee H.P.E.

To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada

Sister Estrada,

I do appreciate your situation, and the wholechurch is mobilizing to assist you and your family in this great time ofneed. I have even contacted the US Embassy in the Phillippines and theyhave assured me that they will do whatever I ask of them to secure yourfreedom and liberty. You see, as members of The Church of theAssimilated Virgin, you are entitled to all the protections andliberties of such a great church in the US.

Thank you for beingso honest and frank in your answers to the questions which were posed toyou. We at the church do have one concern however: Your answer toquestion #5 has us a bit concerned. You will not swallow the offering ofthe Great Phallus? You see it is very important that you immerseyourself fully in the ways of the Great Phallus and the AssimilatedVirgin.

Cockeronemy 36:18 "Follow unto the Great Phallus in allthings, for it will never lead you astray nor will it lead you intotemptation."

Please let myself and the church know what else wecan do for you regarding your situation. Your last communication on thatmatter was rather vague.

I have also included a photo of our church in Springfield for you as well. As you can see we are a wealthyand powerful religion in the US.

May the Great Phallus keep youwet.

Tits Mcghee

High PhallicElder

and she of course continues with her sob story and the "please help us" routine

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High hallicElder) Sir,
Thanks foryour mail and i wish to notify you that my family and i need financialhelp.

I have seen the attachment and i would like to tell you thtour church is very big and it cost alot of money to get that kind of bigchurch oh i really thank God for that.

I have vowed that my familyand i will forever worship with you people throughout the days of ourlives.

Finally, please sir, do what ever you can to help usfinancially.

I look forward to your urgent reply. Thank youand God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.

Hmm, I think we will help her yet again. Damn Christians always turning the other cheek and all that good stuff. But, before I do, I am gonna make her wait about a week.

Attn: Mr Attn: Tits Mcghee(High PhallicElder)
Sir,
How areyou today?

Please sir, what is going on?i have not heard from you orreceive any help from you either.

Please kindly inform me what isgoing on.

Finally, please extend my regards to the whole church.

Ilook forward to your urgent reply.
Thank you and God bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.

so I get back to her like a good priest should

From: Tits Mcghee H.P.E.

To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada

Sister Estrada,

We are working to assist you, as you are already aware when Gaylord Fagg did what he did, he caused some serious issues within the Church as well as inconviencing many of our members overseas and in other parts of the galaxy.

Dildos 6:34. " For he that is patient and waits for the Phallus shall be blessed. If, he should falter in patience he will be castrated and left soulless."

The brotherhood and sisterhood of the Church are putting together a Sock Washing Drive to raise funds to assist your family in their terrible plight. We always do our best to make sure that members of our faith are well taken care of, and always blessed in all they do.

If all goes well, we will have raised more than 10,000$ which is our goal to send to your family. Now, I know it is not as much as we were initially sending to you but with all of the problems we ran into previously it is what will be available to you this go round. I am sure in the future, more money will be made availble to you if it is needed.

If there is anything else you need, please don't hesitate to contact me further.

May the Great Phallus keep you wet.

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

More Juicy goodness to come I am sure!

so she responds and is "praying for the church"

Attn: Tits Mcghee(High hallicElder)
Sir

Thanks for yourmail.I personally thank you for what you are doing to ensure that myfamily never suffered and i pray that the Great Phallus will alwayskeep and bless you in all your doings.I can not thank you enough but iknow that the Great Phallus will sure answered you when ever you openyour mouth to make a request.

Sir, I am very okay by yourmessage.But, when is the money going to be sent to me? I asked because iwant to know so that i can arrange on how the money will be sent tome.

My Family and i wishes you and the whole church happyEaster.

I look forward to your urgent reply.

Thank you and Godbless us all.

Warmest Regards

Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.

so I respond with something that I think she will hate but you all should love!!

From: Tits Mcghee H.P.E.

To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada

Sister Estrada,

It is good to hear that our efforts to assist you are appreciated. It is erection inducing to know that you are ready and willing to receive the sacraments of the Great Phallus, and that you do wish to become one with the Testimonial Testicles.

To answer your question the Sock Washing Drive will be finished mid week and we will have the funds immediately transferred by Western Onion to you so that you will be able to feed your starving presidential family. I am sure that your caviar supplies are running low now.

Fellations 5:77 " Eat of the Phallus, drink of the Phallus and you shall be strong and virginal before the Lord of Hostess. All who come before the Great Phallus on bended knee in supplication shall receive their reward."

Since you are fast becoming a solid member of the Church, it is incumbent upon me that I make this request of you now. In order for you to take the next step within the teachings of the Great Phallus, you must begin the Rite of Aid or CVS Pharmasy program. What this requires is your diligence, faith and above all your willingness to see the program through.

The requirements of the program are as follows:

1. Bring 2 new members into the fold of the Church. (they must also sign and send to us a copy of the membership agreement.)

2. Supply a photo of the new members holding a sign bearing their allegiance to the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. Something like "I have been Assimilated" will be fine.

3. Send the Church a handwritten letter describing how you will offer your corn hole as a place of solace and refuge to all Sailors, Inmates, and men of consience.

4. Denounce all former religous ties to any other religion with a formal declaration of faith.

5. Observe the holy day of Fellatrixation (May 2) by standing naked in your window for 1 hour before sunrise and before sunset. (provide photo of this if possible).

Once you have completed these tasks, you will be more on your way to becoming a great and trusted member of the Church of the Assimilated Virgin.

I am looking forward to hearing from you and welcoming you into the fold of the Great Phallus.

May the Great Phallus keep you wet.

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

so I wonder what she will do now?

so, she writes back thinking that she can avoid the "tasks" I have laid out for her. I DON'T THINK SO!

mrslestradaa2007@sify.com wrote:

Attn: Tits Mcghee(High hallicElder)
Sir
How are you today?No newsfrom you yet.

I look forward to your urgent reply. Thank you andGod bless us all.
Warmest Regards
Dr. Mrs. Luisa PimentelEstrada.

So of course I write back and put her back on track. This should be a fun little round of email blasting teehee

From: Tits Mcghee H.P.E.

To: Dr. Mrs. Louisa Pimentil Estrada

Sister Estrada,

The Church is doing wonderfully. We are very blessed to be part of such a great and powerful faith as the Church of the Assimilated Virgin. I confer upon you the blessing of the Cum Burping Fellatrix. It is a great honor to have this blessing given to you, and I hope that you will proudly tell all with whom you speak of this great blessing!

How is it coming with the tasks that I have set before you? Have you accomplished them yet? I have not heard from you regarding them, it is very concerning to me that I have not heard from you regarding these simple requests.

Eurethra 17:23 "For he that completeth all things shall feel the glory of the great Phallus. Yea, even the lowly Pubococcus shall be blessed in the great and wonderful glory hole."

Let me know when you have completed the tasks that I have set before you and great blessings of prosperity and wealth shall be yours forever.

May the Great Phallus keep you wet.

Tits Mcghee

High Phallic Elder

SHE'S BACK AND HERE WE GO AGAIN, I WONDER HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE HER TO FIGURE IT OUT?

Luisa Estrada <nicktom@merseymail.com> wrote:
The political unrest in my country PHILIPPINES), necessitated this email,
though this approach appears desperate, difficulties encountered in
efforts to establish a business abroad also necessitate this search for
someone to assist me I need your services in a confidential matter
regarding money out of a family beneficiary deposit for investment in your
country and this requires a private arrangement.

You will receive these funds under legal claims; all legal documents will
be carefully worked out to ensure a risky free transfer, our family
trustee have secretly protected the deposit, you are to assist us to lay
claims of the funds with the aid of all legal documents that will be
forwarded to you as time goes on. From past experiences, many people I had
regarded as close friends and relatives capitalized on my family's travail
to run away with my money. In order to avert this negative development, I
in conjunction with my son now seek your permission to allow us do a
CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP/REASSIGNMENT OF CREDIT of stated funds from the
holding company to your name, so that the funds would be released to you
as the BENEFICIARY (on behalf of me and my family).

I am willing to pay a generous management fee as well as appreciation as
soon as this transaction is completed.

All correspondences will be via email, for now. The funds in question are
quite large. I will expect a straight answer from you indicating your
interest to assist my family.

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR INTEREST BY RESPONDING TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS WITH THE
FOLLOWING INFO.

Your full name and address
Your telephone/fax numbers.

Once I receive this information, my son with the family trustee will
prepare the necessary documents that will put you in place as the new
owner of the funds. The money will then be released to your custody by the
Holding Company.

Awaiting your swift response.

Luisa Estrada

AND OF COURSE MY RESPONSE

Luisa Estrada,

It sounds like you could use some help in setting up a business and recovering your lost funds, is this correct? As an American Citizen, I am more than happy to help out someone in need.

I would be very interested in assisting you with your endeavor. How much money are we talking about transferring and what exactly is my part to be in this transaction?

My Name is McHamster Azzhat
My Telephone number is : (206)666-4930

My address is: 4375 SW 18th St.
Hollywood, FL 33023

Please be in touch so that we can continue our conversation.

Ciao for now,

McHamster
HMM, LET'S SEE WHERE THINGS GO FROM HERE, MORE TO COME I AM SURE

So now her "son" is in the mix. I suppose I should respond to his stupidity

Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2007 07:28:43 +0100 (CET)
From: "Estrada, Jude Daniel" <jdestra1950@yahoo.de> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.de. Learn more
Subject: MESSAGE FROM JUDE DANIEL ESTRADA.
To: "A Good Friend" <xxxxx@yahoo.com>

Dear McHamster Azzhat,

Your positive message is highly appreciated.

My name is Mr. Jude Daniel Estrada. I am in receipt of
your message forwarded to me by my mother (Mrs.Luisa
Estrada) regarding the assignment of US$18,000,000.00
to you. I will be perfecting the documentation and
handling the logistics of the transaction with you.

The diplomatic security company have been able to
assist my family in moving the above mentioned funds
out of my country (Philippines).
Furtherance to this, we seek your assistance to liaise
with the security company and take ownership of the
consignment containing the funds, and subsequently
transfer in bits to your valid account in any place of
your choice. On this note its very important that we
speak so that we discuss how we are going to commence
and complete this project.

This project is real, and one hundred percent risk
free and does not relate to any breach of law or
proceed from drugs. It is a matter of necessity to
contact you for asistance without any further
investigations about your person. It is very
imperative that we exchange our identities for the
purposes of familiarity, safety and trust as the case
may be. It is therefore necessary that you tell me a
little about yourself. I hope no form of betrayal will
be experienced in the course of our collaboration.
However, because I need a foreigner in this
transaction, I must give you my trust.

Once I clarify your willingness of a total
participation, then I shall forward to you a copy of
the certificate of deposit and my ID for
identification purpose and mutual trust.

I will come over to your country when the travelling
embargo on my family is lifted.

All modalities for the successful completion of this
transaction have been mapped out.

I await a swift response from you today.

Warm regards,
Jude Daniel Estrada

so here comes my life story, I hope my creative writing classes I took in college pay off, also notice the 'bad beatles reference'.

Hey Jude,

I am glad you appreciated my positive message. I do endeavor to be as positive as possible when dealing with people, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. $18,000,000.00 Is that correct?! That seems like a lot of money to be transferring around.

To tell you a little about me, I will tell you my story of sorts.

I was born in Pocafello Idaho, and was raised on a beet farm where we grew sugar cane. After graduating from St. Fellatios High School, I went on to Boysee State University where I got a Masters Degree in Social Engineering. I currently for work Sun N' See Tanning and Beauty Corporation where I am an Image Consultant. It is a challenging job making sure that our clients are tan and beautiful at all times. I have a wife named Freeta Lay Azzhat, and two sons that I am very proud of Justa and Iman. Now that I have told you a little about myself, could you tell me about the "family Estrada?" I would be happy to tell you more if you are interested. I does sadden me to hear that your family is embargoed from travelling to our great country. Anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to let me know.

I would like to let you know, that I am 100% behind helping your family out of their predicament, I know I would want the 'help' if I were in YOUR shoes.

Ciao for now,

McHamster